Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Notes From South America
1.14.2010
god dammit i fucking hate hippies!!!
so i had to take some sort of bus ´tour´ to guatemala because apparently its impossible to do this by yourself. anyway one sketchy bus ride driven by the most indifferent fat man ive ever seen got us to some sort of poo-brown river. then the indifferent fat man waved us out of the bus and pointed down to the river. he even accompanied us for about twenty feet and then turned around and marched back to the bus.
we wandered around, asked a few people what the fuck was going on, they all told us to go back and talk to the indifferent fat man.
so we go back, he´s long gone, everyone´s milling around looking retarded when suddenly the fat guy jumps out from behind a tree down by the river and starts whistling and waving his arms in the air.
so we rush over there and he pushes us into this long boat on the poo-brown river. i know for a goddamned fact that this is the border between mexico and guatemala, but for some reason we cant just cross to the other side, we need to fight the current for like fifty miles.
finally some people on the other side become visible and that shitfucking asshole in the back throws a goddamned tarp on me!!! this happened like 5 years ago when i was crossing into guatemala from belize!! god dammit!!!
so im writhing under the tarp and making my objections as audible as possible and suddenly the tarp is removed and im thrown off the boat into the jungle.
theres a bunch of giant sketchy looking guatemalans all clutching fistfuls of quetzals and calculators and yelling out in poor english that i ABSOLUTELY MUST EXCHANGE MY PESOS WITH THEM RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW. they proclaim that there are NO BANK MACHINES IN GUATEMALA and that the GUATEMALA BANKS WILL NOT ACCEPT PESOS and the IMMIGRATION OFFICE WILL NOT ACCEPT PESOS.
so someone (possibly me) says in an obstinate voice "LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOUR COUNTRY´S NATIONAL BANK WILL NOT ACCEPT CURRENCY FROM THE COUNTRY IT BORDERS. CORRECT?" and everyone looks a little disconcerted and someone else (possibly me) then starts complaining about how i left a perfectly good bottle of tequilla in the hostel in palenque because this is suppose to be a goddamned OFFICIAL CROSSING into the country and not this snake-oil salesmanning of perfectly respectable white people.
anyway so then i had this brilliant idea and pushed my way through the sketchy currency converters and climbed this little hill. last time in guatemala i am fairly certain the goddamned TOWN BAKER stamped my passport with a little stamp he found nearby. anyway this time the immigration office was this little shed in the middle of nowhere. so i stood in line and then everyone stood in line and some random dude showed up and said OF COURSE WE ACCEPT PESOS and then the converters all looked down at the ground and shuffled off into the jungle, presumably to plot kidnappings
so i pay my $5 to get into the country
OH FUCK
yeah so getting OUT of mexico i show up and say I´M LEAVING THE COUNTRY and the dude gives me the form to get IN the country and tells me to go fuck off. so i actually fill out the first name, last name part before i realize what the hell´s going on, and then go back to the dude behind the bars at the office and wave the entrance form in his face and tell him DUDE I´M LEAVING, I DIDN´T JUST APPEAR OUT OF THE FOREST. and he gets all cross and starts telling me because i began filling out the form i need to finish it?! and i keep telling him i´m not filling out a second entrance form?! and we go back and forth and finally he stamps my passport and then writes something down in it, and i rip up the form and bail
yeah so back in guatemala, i pay my $5 and then ask where the nearest bathroom is. they actually have a decent one, working toilet and all. its got four walls and a tin roof and everything. there´s this big wooden cabinet behind the toilet. i urinate and flush and then this fucking FAT CHILD jumps out from behind the cabinet with this big bucket of water and just dumps all the water into the toilet and then starts screaming for propinas!! god dammit!! and i´m about to get all chris hanson on this little pervert when it occurs to me that i have a canadian loonie in my pocket so i give it to the fat child and instruct him to use it to barter for butter crackers or whatever it is he seems to be living on.
god dammit.
tikal was pretty fucking awesome, though. good way to spend a day. i´m currently on the isle of flores, which is in the middle of a lake that reminds me of canada. there is nothing better in this world then canadian summer at a cottage on the lake. preferably with friends and a barbecue.
ive taken tomorrow off to do some school work and cancel my phone and pay my hydro and mail postcards and do all the stupid beaurocratic nonsense that piles up when you arent at home, and one of those tasks includes backing up all my pictures so i´ll post some then.
right now i´m going to go to los amigos and sit by the fire and the lake and watch rare documentaries on central america in a hammock while girls bring me these enormous buckets full of strawberry and banana smoothies full of rum and cane sugar.
- Dave Secretary
god dammit i fucking hate hippies!!!
so i had to take some sort of bus ´tour´ to guatemala because apparently its impossible to do this by yourself. anyway one sketchy bus ride driven by the most indifferent fat man ive ever seen got us to some sort of poo-brown river. then the indifferent fat man waved us out of the bus and pointed down to the river. he even accompanied us for about twenty feet and then turned around and marched back to the bus.
we wandered around, asked a few people what the fuck was going on, they all told us to go back and talk to the indifferent fat man.
so we go back, he´s long gone, everyone´s milling around looking retarded when suddenly the fat guy jumps out from behind a tree down by the river and starts whistling and waving his arms in the air.
so we rush over there and he pushes us into this long boat on the poo-brown river. i know for a goddamned fact that this is the border between mexico and guatemala, but for some reason we cant just cross to the other side, we need to fight the current for like fifty miles.
finally some people on the other side become visible and that shitfucking asshole in the back throws a goddamned tarp on me!!! this happened like 5 years ago when i was crossing into guatemala from belize!! god dammit!!!
so im writhing under the tarp and making my objections as audible as possible and suddenly the tarp is removed and im thrown off the boat into the jungle.
theres a bunch of giant sketchy looking guatemalans all clutching fistfuls of quetzals and calculators and yelling out in poor english that i ABSOLUTELY MUST EXCHANGE MY PESOS WITH THEM RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW. they proclaim that there are NO BANK MACHINES IN GUATEMALA and that the GUATEMALA BANKS WILL NOT ACCEPT PESOS and the IMMIGRATION OFFICE WILL NOT ACCEPT PESOS.
so someone (possibly me) says in an obstinate voice "LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOUR COUNTRY´S NATIONAL BANK WILL NOT ACCEPT CURRENCY FROM THE COUNTRY IT BORDERS. CORRECT?" and everyone looks a little disconcerted and someone else (possibly me) then starts complaining about how i left a perfectly good bottle of tequilla in the hostel in palenque because this is suppose to be a goddamned OFFICIAL CROSSING into the country and not this snake-oil salesmanning of perfectly respectable white people.
anyway so then i had this brilliant idea and pushed my way through the sketchy currency converters and climbed this little hill. last time in guatemala i am fairly certain the goddamned TOWN BAKER stamped my passport with a little stamp he found nearby. anyway this time the immigration office was this little shed in the middle of nowhere. so i stood in line and then everyone stood in line and some random dude showed up and said OF COURSE WE ACCEPT PESOS and then the converters all looked down at the ground and shuffled off into the jungle, presumably to plot kidnappings
so i pay my $5 to get into the country
OH FUCK
yeah so getting OUT of mexico i show up and say I´M LEAVING THE COUNTRY and the dude gives me the form to get IN the country and tells me to go fuck off. so i actually fill out the first name, last name part before i realize what the hell´s going on, and then go back to the dude behind the bars at the office and wave the entrance form in his face and tell him DUDE I´M LEAVING, I DIDN´T JUST APPEAR OUT OF THE FOREST. and he gets all cross and starts telling me because i began filling out the form i need to finish it?! and i keep telling him i´m not filling out a second entrance form?! and we go back and forth and finally he stamps my passport and then writes something down in it, and i rip up the form and bail
yeah so back in guatemala, i pay my $5 and then ask where the nearest bathroom is. they actually have a decent one, working toilet and all. its got four walls and a tin roof and everything. there´s this big wooden cabinet behind the toilet. i urinate and flush and then this fucking FAT CHILD jumps out from behind the cabinet with this big bucket of water and just dumps all the water into the toilet and then starts screaming for propinas!! god dammit!! and i´m about to get all chris hanson on this little pervert when it occurs to me that i have a canadian loonie in my pocket so i give it to the fat child and instruct him to use it to barter for butter crackers or whatever it is he seems to be living on.
god dammit.
tikal was pretty fucking awesome, though. good way to spend a day. i´m currently on the isle of flores, which is in the middle of a lake that reminds me of canada. there is nothing better in this world then canadian summer at a cottage on the lake. preferably with friends and a barbecue.
ive taken tomorrow off to do some school work and cancel my phone and pay my hydro and mail postcards and do all the stupid beaurocratic nonsense that piles up when you arent at home, and one of those tasks includes backing up all my pictures so i´ll post some then.
right now i´m going to go to los amigos and sit by the fire and the lake and watch rare documentaries on central america in a hammock while girls bring me these enormous buckets full of strawberry and banana smoothies full of rum and cane sugar.
- Dave Secretary
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Male Nurse- Song A Day For A Year
Ottawa's own Male Nurse a.k.a Davey Quesnelle is in a lot of bands and I mean A LOT. Between December 23rd and 31st he played shows as a member of Chandeliers, Mother's Children, Cloven Hoofs, Peach Kelli Pop, Pregnancy Scares and also a show as Male Nurse. That's not even all the bands he's in. He's also a backing member for Steve Adamyk and has played shows in 2009 in Million Dollar Marxists, Holy Cobras and Magnificient Butchers as well as backing up other people in different projects. I'm probably still missing some. It's not just the fact that he's in a bunch of bands that is impressive. It's the quality of all the bands he's in and also the musical diversity of all the bands. Davey can play tons of different styles and instruments and do them all very well.
Even though he is already this prolific and must have band practices every night of the week he's out on a mission to put out a song a day for a year. He's posted 3 songs already and they are all really good, simple and straight to the point. Check them out HERE and make that page your homepage and check out a new song every day for the rest of 2010!
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